Confessions of a Skeptical Mystic: One

new-year-moon

Happy New Year World!

Well, scratch resolution number one off the list: vamp up old dance blog.  Well, not quite.  I’m halfway there just by showing up, right?  This whole site will be undergoing major renovations over the next while.  Yet, I really wanted to put something out there for this auspicious day of days, January 1.

How I came back to this place, my old The Spin Jinny website, you ask?  First, be forewarned, this blog entry will be rushed and the whole site in a state of transition and chaos–which is when the experts say not to put out anything new.  In your face, experts.  And the experts say, in your face The Spin Jinny, when no one bothers to come read your ramblings.

I am at work–I do care/support and I spent my New Year’s Eve happy, project-oriented, but sober in every conceivable way, since I am at work all weekend.  I’m sure my employer would be pleased to hear this bit of news.  However, a dry New Year’s is not new for me so I can’t use work as an excuse.  After indulging excessively during Christmas, I often use the new year as motivation to wake up bright and shiny–even early, earlier than normal.  I love waking up before the world does.  On New Year’s Day, the world takes longer to wake up, too, which is sweet.

Sleep in world, rest tight, I’ve got things covered for awhile while you nurse your tender hangovers.

My main Christmas sins are wine and cheese, how about you?  I know wine and cheese sound completely cultured and respectable, but I don’t really care how fine the wine is or if it pairs well with the cheese, so long as I’m tipsy, my taste buds are satiated, and milk fat is coursing through my veins… that’s as high as my standards go.

Oh yes, how can I forget, dark fruit cake for breakfast: a newly acquired habit picked up this festive season, and I indulged in this fancy to a point where I couldn’t wait for January to show up so I could just stop! 

Oh yes, and don’t forget the social cigarette smoking. Non-smokers like to remind me of this, when they look at me, eyes wide, like the fragile fabric of their entire world has fallen apart at the seams, and say, “I didn’t know you smoked!”  I don’t.  Just socially and when I’m feeling social anxiety.  And since I am an socially awkward introvert, social anxiety smoking happens more than when I am socially smoking, but not that often, since I hardly go anywhere worthy of too much anxiety, like a bar or a party.  I’m generally a pretty healthy person.  I run, do yoga, love nature, and I’m almost a vegetarian.  Don’t judge me too harshly, but if I help you with your sense of superiority, you’re welcome.

women-and-cigarettes-ca-1950s-15

Right, why I am here, instead of feeling defensive and writing about it.  The need for justification is strong within us humans, so here this human goes with her justification.

The main reason I set up this site and paid for the domain name was to provide cyberevidence of my dance and performing activities when I applied for a particular music festival awhile back.  However, I have paid for “thespinjinny.com” while doing very little with it for over three years.  When the renewal comes up every May, unable to let it go, I pay the fee which goes to support the fine people at WordPress, I help to put food in their little bellies,  but in the end it gives me very little in return.

I am here now because I went from performing and studying dance frantically for several years to a point where I wouldn’t care less if I were to perform ever again.  Well, “care less” is a strong statement, since there are parts to performing that I really enjoy.  However, I am not about to give up dancing.  Then what’s the point of training if one does not perform?  Personal satisfaction, of course, yet I like to add dimensions of intention to my endeavors.  Perhaps that is that “justification” thing creeping in again.  If I pay a couple of hundred dollars for a tribal fusion belly dance workshop, I should do something with it, right?

For some reason, the title “Confessions of a Skeptical Mystic,” as cheesy (and as self-aggrandizing) as it sounds, popped into my mind this morning, and I like the irony of all of these words put together.  For me, the connection between seemingly opposing things has been a major source of inner torment for me for much of my life.  My interests and beliefs seem to defy reason, yet I am strongly influenced by reason.  Yet, I resent reason to the neglect of intuition.  And yet, I become frustrated with too much woo-woo without intellectual contemplation.  I feel my intellectual/emotional innards are being pulled apart on the medieval rack.

Already this blog post is way longer than I anticipated, so I will go more into oppositional forces in future posts.  Indeed, that will be the main theme of this blog: uniting things from seemingly opposite ends.  My main effort will be seeing how successful I can combine hoopdancing with writing, if there are any interesting connections to be made worthy of your eyeballs and respect.  I like hula hooping.  I like writing.  If I am not performing so much anymore, perhaps I can use writing to justify my hoopdance and vice versa?  Why not give it a whirl?

Blessings in the New Year, fine people. I love us.

The Spin Jinny

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